Burns.

If I died, I would only be finishing off the job he started. He should've just ended it. Instead of leaving me here. Leaving me to do this myself. Leaving me to burn.

I've always loved to play with fire. I would get burns a lot, but I never...EVER flinched. Bad things happened when he saw me flinch. So I played with fire for him. To make him “happy.” Whatever. My efforts were never good enough. Because in all honesty, I was never good enough for him. It was always me who was hit. The worst part wasn't the rape, or the bruises that never had enough time to heal, but the hugs. Hugs are supposed to be sweet, caring gestures. From a parent to a child, or one best friend to another. But not these. There were the hugs that replaced words: “you'll come back.” Not a question. Not an observation. A demand.

Once he said “it's what good girlfriends do. And you have to be a good girlfriend.” For some reason that hit a nerve. All I've ever been to him was good. I followed by his rules, took the blows, didn't tell anybody. So I spit in his face and delivered a sharp “fuck you.” That was one of the biggest mistakes I've made. I got scars from that night, accompanied by bruises so bad I had to wear sunglasses for weeks.
I don't believe in miracles. But I believe that things happen for a reason. And sometimes, nice things just happen. For example, when he left. No one knew where he went. No one asked either. In fact, no one cared. I was free. At least that's what I thought. I tried to be a normal girl. But it didn't work. I could feel him watching me...always.

I admit that I started the fire on purpose. It was so easy. I set up a ring of rocks on my large front yard. So it couldn't spread. For once, I would be the focus. I made a line of lighter fluid around the edge of the ring of rocks. Then I lit it with a simple match. Very calmly, I walked to the center. My face was like stone as I stared at the road. I knew what would happen. And I didn't care. I watched his car come into my driveway. I watched him step out, angry. And I laughed. It was a sick, disturbing noise that fell from my lips.

“Care to join me, Chris?” I cried over the cackle of the growing blaze.

I didn't hear his response. But I saw his lips move. Then a curious thing happened, he cried tears of rage.

Now I could feel the fire's warmth and comfort relaxing my muscles. My pulse suddenly quickened. Soon. I've been wanting this for so long. Even after he left, it only made me realize that he stained this body, all over. I could never be free from that.

I loved watching him kneel on the grass in pain. Hopelessness. Helplessness. I was leaving, and all he could do was sit there and watch me burn to death.
Burning alive is indescribably beautiful. You can feel your skin peeling away. Your body falling to ash. As I felt death tugging on me, like a little girl tugs on her mother's sleeve, I screamed my final words.
“I loved you.”

Jumps

Here I am. Finally at the top. My legs burned and roared. And my heart was thumping out of my chest. My palms were dripping in sweat. I steadied myself on top of the thick wire. I put my arms out wide and closed my eyes. I let the raging wind blow my hair back the way I came. Towards all the drama and despair. No more.

My foot started to slide on my slick metal. I knew it wouldn't hold me for long. The cars below sped past. Hissing and tearing up the road, leaving skid marks in their trail. For a split second I thought that that I had made a mistake, and I shouldn't do this. I took a deep breath and went over my options. 1. Go back to school and face Mario and his obsessive behavior. 2. Not do this and run away and live in Luna’s apartment with her and chase as my illegal guardians. 3. Do it.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I hadn’t even realized I brought it. I took it out. New txt from: Mario. I screamed at the top of my lungs. Birds in trees far away back on the road flew away. I grabbed my phone and threw it as hard as I could into the waters below.

I started to sob. My body shook. And I was now slipping down the twisted metal of the bridge. My legs jerked from under me and my right leg fell off my perch.

I screamed. Again. Now I could feel my blood rushing through every inch of my body. My fingers pulsed with to urge to...jump. I heard a car door slam 100s of feet below me. I looked down, not even the slightest bit nervous of the extensive height that I was at. It was his car. It’s now or never, I thought. I slowly stood up on the thick wire. I wanted to drown in the water. So maybe they wouldn't find my body. I leaned forward. Then, of all things, I smiled. It was a crazy smile. Not the kind of smile that people give to those who they care for.

"Happiness..." I whispered. That's all it was, a whisper. No one could possibly hear it. But I'm glad. They wouldn't have understood even if they did. I watched Mario put his hand out, like he could stop me now.

That was the last thing that the girl said. Then she plummeted into the deep, cold, water. She hit the water like it was a brick wall. The boy saw her body crumple. He was close enough to see that he was powerless. He had never cried before. Not when his mother had hit him. Not when his brother got shot. Not when his house burned down. Now he cried. Now he didn’t hold back. He yelled and clawed at the cement as his father held him back. His fingers were gushing blood and he had bitten his tongue and now it was bleeding too.

And the voice whispered to her "don’t let me down love". The arms never let go. And the voice never faded. And the girl and her arms, wrapped tight around her, and her voice, whispering sweet secrets, sunk to the bottom of the lake.