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Friday, September 4, 2009


Here I am. Finally at the top. My legs burned and roared. And my heart was thumping out of my chest. My palms were dripping in sweat. I steadied myself on top of the thick wire. I put my arms out wide and closed my eyes. I let the raging wind blow my hair back the way I came. Towards all the drama and despair. No more.

My foot started to slide on my slick metal. I knew it wouldn't hold me for long. The cars below sped past. Hissing and tearing up the road, leaving skid marks in their trail. For a split second I thought that that I had made a mistake, and I shouldn't do this. I took a deep breath and went over my options. 1. Go back to school and face Mario and his obsessive behavior. 2. Not do this and run away and live in Luna’s apartment with her and chase as my illegal guardians. 3. Do it.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I hadn’t even realized I brought it. I took it out. New txt from: Mario. I screamed at the top of my lungs. Birds in trees far away back on the road flew away. I grabbed my phone and threw it as hard as I could into the waters below.

I started to sob. My body shook. And I was now slipping down the twisted metal of the bridge. My legs jerked from under me and my right leg fell off my perch.

I screamed. Again. Now I could feel my blood rushing through every inch of my body. My fingers pulsed with to urge to...jump. I heard a car door slam 100s of feet below me. I looked down, not even the slightest bit nervous of the extensive height that I was at. It was his car. It’s now or never, I thought. I slowly stood up on the thick wire. I wanted to drown in the water. So maybe they wouldn't find my body. I leaned forward. Then, of all things, I smiled. It was a crazy smile. Not the kind of smile that people give to those who they care for.

"Happiness..." I whispered. That's all it was, a whisper. No one could possibly hear it. But I'm glad. They wouldn't have understood even if they did. I watched Mario put his hand out, like he could stop me now.

That was the last thing that the girl said. Then she plummeted into the deep, cold, water. She hit the water like it was a brick wall. The boy saw her body crumple. He was close enough to see that he was powerless. He had never cried before. Not when his mother had hit him. Not when his brother got shot. Not when his house burned down. Now he cried. Now he didn’t hold back. He yelled and clawed at the cement as his father held him back. His fingers were gushing blood and he had bitten his tongue and now it was bleeding too.

And the voice whispered to her "don’t let me down love". The arms never let go. And the voice never faded. And the girl and her arms, wrapped tight around her, and her voice, whispering sweet secrets, sunk to the bottom of the lake.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


I tagged along happily through the clothes store. I wasn't very sure of exactly where I was, but I didn't really need to know. It wouldn't make a difference.

All of the clothes seemed to have an odd piece of plastic on them, I was afraid to touch it, for there were warnings labeled over the top. It was almost the color of my skin, a little bit darker. From dirt and just that my skin was so pale.

I looked down at my mother’s feet. That was my way of following her. I didn't need to strain my neck to try to see her head. I played games where I tried to get as close to her feet as I could without stepping on them. On the rare occasion that I did, she would look back with a slight smile on her face and I would giggle into my overly large winter coat. I kept my hands straight out next to me as we walked along the rows and rows of unfamiliar apparel. Most of it was dark shades of blue, purple, or black. I always liked to feel the clothes. It was my way of seeing them. I tried not to rely on my sight as much as I could, because I knew it could fail all too easily. The many items were much more interesting to feel than to look at anyway. My mother stopped and I bumped into her back, to engrossed in my thoughts to notice that she stopped before it was too late. I craned my neck to see the reason for the hold up. She had taken a lucky pair of pants from their tightly packed group.

"What do you think?" she asked. She always asked me for my opinion. Whether I thought it was ugly or not, I always nodded my head and smiled. She smiled back and added it to her arm.

Someone shouted her name and I jumped into her arms. She looked for the voice and greeted a stranger. They talked for a while. I figured it would be a while so I let my mind wander. My feet were starting to strain. I leaned one way to soothe it.

I did that back and forth for a while. I thought about the clothes, and wondered if I were to just slip in them, would they hold me up? I liked to hide in between the darks and grays, but would they be able to take the ease off both my feet at the same time for me? Maybe... I backed into them while my mom was still occupied with her stranger. I felt a strange kind of safe feeling as I went farther, ever so slowly, into the velvety cloths. I closed my eyes and leaned back. I heard silence around me. Then my mom was calling me. Only the slightest bit of hysteria in her voice.

I heard a bang before she did. I knew the clothes would not hold me. Maybe for some other child, but not me. They had betrayed me. I was furious. I heard the sharp ding of my head against cold hard metal seconds before the pain stabbed the back of my head like a dagger. I decided to lie there. Waiting for my mom to take in the situation. I thought about checking to see if there was blood. But I reasoned against it. Secretly, I hoped there was, I hope when my mother pulled me up, I bleed all over the betrayers.

My anger soon melted into disappointment. I cried. I screamed. With the hurt mentally and physicality jabbing into me. I wanted to just be numb. All around. I wanted my brain to be as if I were asleep. Soothing the worries away. But that wouldn't happen. No one would let me sleep. My head was bleeding, but not as much as I hoped. My mom talked to partially me, but mostly herself, saying it was going to be okay. I was fine. I had gotten one of my wishes, I was numb. Not completely, but mostly. And that was good enough.